Current location:	My room, on my futon, labtop in lap.
Current music:	Matchbox 20 - "3 AM"

LIFE:
I'm struggling all the time now. Money, work,school, relationships, and everything else life has to offer like health and happiness. I'm working really hard to hedge out a small space for myself but I feel like I'm suffocating. Money really creates so many issues, and they compound themselves endlessly till it becomes a cascade failure.

• Money is always and issue; bills, phone bills, rent, food, insurance, entertainment, medical bills etc.
• Work always wants more and wants to give less, as is the nature of a job. I'm always conscious of my job ending one way or another.
• School is another weight on my money, it takes more of my time and it adds stress.
• Health; My left eye is all messed up, my teeth are all fucked up(including wisdom teeth that don't fit well), my right knee painful, my right hand swells(which I think I have carpal tunnel or tendinitis). I still have numbness in the left side of my face and head. My left ear likes to feel popped a lot too.
• Relationship; stress city, and confusing, upsetting. I don't know.

MIND:
We, I, spend so much time on philosophical concerns, mulling over the idealism of reality and the break down of how it all comes together. What is the purpose to understanding the universe and divining its mysteries with reason if they don't apply? Every marked achievement of philosophy; which has become science, still leaves so much to be desired. They are not cold hard fact, immutable and strong. They are wishy-washy on the grand scale. They are approximations of what works and we often find that we are wrong. That what we perceived as working is simply a coincidence.

GAMING:
Vampire is coming up again, it has my mind boggling about in schemes and plots.
BattleMaster is status quo'ing for me at the moment. Perhaps interest is finally waning?
D&D is back, its not really hardcore yet but it is running. I'm glad to be back into running.
Magic: I think I'm heading back into my no play phase.

Another note; Christmas and my mother conspired to grant me a Labtop computer. Its a Sony Viao. Its neat to have a computer of my own. Especially a mobile one. I have this listed in Gaming cause one of the main things I have actually used it for is playing games. Though its purpose is to make school easier.

Command and conquer: Generals. Its a funny game. A brilliant work of American Propaganda. You play as America, China or GLA(global liberation army). The GLA is literally a terrorist conglomerate. It is hilarious to bomb desert buildings and raid country homes with your marines. We are such a strange race. Oh hummies...

HEART:
Pained, strained and hardened. I don't know what to really say about my emotional core. Sometimes I worry that is a slave to my reason and that I don't really feel as much as interpret and copy what I should or theoretically feel. I find it contemptible if I do, but I'm not sure if that is just me masking any true feelings I have. I really feel like my core is harassed by a maelstrom of unrefined emotions that don't ever really penetrate said core.