| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Dec. 8th, 2009|08:06 pm] |
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'Cowboys and Cougars' - Jess Warner |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|07:23 pm] |
LIFE:
Well I've been all over it the place lately, figuratively, and literally. I've had lots of parties to go to. I've had some really good times. My family Christmas party was last Saturday, that was great as usual, I love my family. Family from Texas HAD to go outside and play in the snow... some of the youngest had never even seen the stuff. It was refreshing. Juan, a once gang banging hardass from the city, turned ex-con, turned reborn Christian? Hey if he wants to devote himself to God, good for him. Though listening to him preach and carry a bible around is amusing on so many levels for me. Explaining the eye thing over and over again like usual was also part of the night.
I have been able to keep up a regular exercise routine and have been keeping my calories under 2200. I do like to work out; just keeping to a routine is hard. Harder still is maintaining a constant diet. I can be a devastating glutton if I am not careful. I mean generally speaking I do fine but some day... damn.
GAMING:
STO: Ok: I really want to play Star Trek Online, but my computer is not going to be able to run it. I am considering putting together a Desktop to play... I would like to meet these specs as cheaply as possible.
- OS: Windows XP SP2 / Windows Vista / Windows 7 (32 or 64-bit)
- CPU: Intel E8400 Core 2 Duo or AMD Athlon X2 5600+
- Memory: 2GB RAM+
- Video: NVIDIA GeForce 8800 / ATI Radeon HD 3850+
- Sound: DirectX 9.0c Compatible Soundcard
- DirectX: Version 9.0c or Higher
- HDD: 8GB Free Disk Space
- Network: Internet Broadband Connection Required
- Disc: 6X DVD-ROM
Poker: I've been missing poker night for one reason or another for awhile -- which I kinda feel bad about because they even moved the day for me so that I could play.
Amber, Diceless Role Play: Starts up again this week, this thursday. I'm still interested strangely enough heh.
Magic, The Gathering: Tuesdays... other then that, not really. Though Worldwake is coming out soon.
DnD -- I've been running my Game, people seem excited about the play so I think it is going well. I was a little distracted at last game but that really had nothing to do with the game itself.
MIND:
Reading Wheel of Time, I'm on book 3
Reading Aristotle; metaphysics
Having conversations with myself, I've started considering writing them down. Maybe even posting them. I'm not sure.
HEART:
I got another speed bump thrown under me. It didn't shake me up any where nearly as bad as last time, and only a fraction of the time before that. As a matter of fact it mostly made me angry. I guess it took two years to find the limit of my patience, I suppose that's not too bad considering the pressure. It's still hard knowing that I lived through so much more of the relationship then the other half. Hard feeling like so many thing were uncontrollable, and still are. I was glad to be there, still wouldn't erase it for the world; but it was torture at times. ( PWT's - Hate(I really don't like you) )
Family made me happy. I was glad to be around them. Much better then being home with Dad and Diannes family for Thanksgiving.
Oh and Ms. Negative assumption; This is about you -- and don't you dare get the idea in your head to take the meaning negatively.
( Reliant K - Be My Escape(Acoustic) ) |
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[Nov. 20th, 2009|06:36 pm] |
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| Idealist Portrait of the Champion |
[Nov. 16th, 2009|07:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Work | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Swing - Taken Back Sunday | ] |
LIFE:
I have been taking full advantage of being unleashed. I've gone running, lifted weights, calisthenics, yoga and anything else random I can come up with.
I've got so many social engagements coming up it's getting hard to keep track of them all. I have so many places to go. I think every Saturday from now till Christmas is spoken for. I have pizza on Tuesday nights, I play Amber every other Thursday, Poker on the off Thursday, I open Thursdays now. I've picked up extra hours at work. I play in a DnD game on some Fridays it seems. I hang out with Katie. I've had tenuous plans with Traci for ever. Jessie has been trying to hammer out of a plan with me for awhile, both for DnD with her and of to hang out.
Eric and Ashlee had a BABY! Cade, a boy.
Stuff I've done recently? I've been to like three parties recently, I've had a great time at each so far. Wheeler/Vickery's party was pretty awesome. That whole night went really well. Lots of new memories, though a lot of the new faces are kinda a blur.
GAMING:
DnD - James wants to run his game, I'm going to play ::shrug::
Amber - Month off
Magic - Tuesday?
MIND:
Ever merited out every though you've ever had about something. Weighed each part for it's pro's and con's. Taken stock of how you felt about the pieces, each one and as a hole. After all your measuring and math, you have the numbers in front of you; tell you an obvious truth.
Yet you still feel like your making a mistake even with all the data telling you your right?
I've never had that problem; I've known so many people who are terrified of the quantification of their existence. They have gone through this process over and over, and after it all they have only more questions. One of the greatest fears of these people? To be judged, to be measured; it drives them to better, that fear. Better then those they have Judged, better then the others that people have judged for them, better then themselves...
I want to take fear away from people, steal it for a day, an hour, or even just a minute... just so they can know what it is to be comfortable. To know who they are without the fear.
HEART:
I've been in good spirits. ;-) |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|11:23 pm] |
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'i'm sorry gary is such an ass hole.' - Jen |
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| Post against the Clock |
[Nov. 14th, 2009|03:09 pm] |
I've got limited time to type this out because I left my charger at work, so here we go.
My doctors appointment went poorly. My retina is detached again in two placed and the doctor recommends that we leave it alone. Basically he wants to detachment, which is due to a build if scar tissue, to get as bad as it is going to before he does any more surgery. He wants to limit the number of procedures I'm having on the eye to lower the risks of collateral damage. In 4 months he is going to reconsider surgery, during which surgery he is going to remove(not replace) my lens, since I won't be using the eye to see it shouldn't matter too much. He'll also drain the oil out, and possibly peel the scar tissue/possibly reattach my retina depending if he thinks it's worth it. For now, its eye-patches and pirate jokes.
On the bright side(which apparently is my right side.) I can run, jump, climb tree's, fuck, work out, and be generally vigorous; and I won't be having to lay face down or miss a bunch of things for two weeks. Definitively, a plus.
And, I'm out of time. |
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| Last Night, Ya know |
[Nov. 4th, 2009|04:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
LIFE:
Alright, so I've been busy and having a lot of fun. I had a really good time on Halloween. Lots of excitement and meeting new people. I met up with Jen early and then we split up. I went to Andrew and Nicoles; Ali is so funny when she gets toasted. I met her cousin and some random random work friends of everyone. Lot of people I already knew were there too. I had to explain the eye patch thing, though I did tell everyone I was 'Second Eye Blind' as my costume, which everyone seemed to accept it.
After that a large body of us migrated to Bobby/Hillary/Marks; It was a good party there too. Met J'Lecs friend Jenna. I kinda assaulted her with verbally, and she still forgot my name by morning! Guess I didn't make that much of an impression. Two major points of Drama and one was just for me; Jay was ... overboard. Kinda upset some people. Kelly and I, had a minor altercation which was mainly my fault. Though it turned awkward since she was being Kelly. Just a socially awkward speed bump.
Though everything ended on a good note, so that's all that matters.
------
I have some errands I need to run that I keep procrastinating to get to.
GAMING:
Magic: The Gathering -- Still been playin' on and off.
Dungeons and Dragons -- Looks like I may play Fri' and Sat' . I'm no so sure if saturday is going to happen though cause of complications.
Amber: Diceless Role-Playing Game, I've joined Daves B's. game. It is really interesting so far. I'm enjoying myself.
MIND:
My Dad and I were discussing the ramifications of 'End Times' and the second coming of Jesus Christ. My father isn't a very faithful man, he is very Jaded. What would he do if Jesus did come back, or at least someone claiming to be Jesus was walking around. My Dad very matter of factly replied "I'd nail him to a cross.". I stood mildly taken by surprise. And he continued "And if got up in 3 days I'd apologize."
In my Dads own, unique and strange way he is very inightful and wise. Ephasis on strange and unique.
HEART:
I've been feeling a lot more like myself lately. I don't feel so isolated anymore. I've managed to open most of my bridges to all of my friends again(as much as they ever were at least).
I've even been solidifying new friendships. Making strides and bounds with some of them.
I've been spending a lot time with Jen. As I touched on in a previous entry, we've been mutually supportive. We've both come out of relationships on the short end of the stick and the comfort and validation of a friend who 'really gets it' has been helpful for both of us. We've both admitted to the idea that we've sort of developing a crush for one another. We are both still really beaten up and tangled up; both in our pasts and with each other. So, it is all a little dizzying and confusing, but its fun.
We have been having good times and enjoying ourselves. I don't know where it's all going, and I'm ok with that. I'm just boardering on healthy, positive emotional states and I don't care to spend too much time looking backward unless I have to. And if your reading this, yes, I sorta miss you too. ; -)
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| Dreams and Drifts |
[Oct. 28th, 2009|06:04 pm] |
I am adrift, I am not alone
From shore to shore
Sorrow sown
I am adrift, I am not alone
core to core
hearts honed
I am adrift, I am not alone
more and more
we are not sure
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Oct. 26th, 2009|01:11 pm] |
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mon 1 o'clock . Partial plate 785 AF baigeish color car compact. Driver male shaved or bald. driving up and down streets slow looking at each house |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2009|02:27 am] |
LIFE:
I have been having so much trouble trying to express myself here in livejournal land. I've written like 6-7 real entries but ended up deleting them cause I did not like how they turned out. Though if your reading this, I finally posted something.
Health -- My eye bothers the crap out of me sometimes. I wear my eye patch to alleviate the symptoms but then I have to endure pirate jokes. I was leaving Olive Garden and one of the employees yelled at me "Hey look a pirate! ARR! ARR!" or when I went out for drinks the other night, the second we walked in to Uno's someone yelled "Arrrr!" About ever hour someone at least makes a pirate reference. The prospects of my eye getting better are slim, so I'm really going to have to get used to the pirate thing. Hillary was really intent on explaining to me that she thought it looked really good on me and 'fit me'. I really did appricate that on some level.
I'm still no so sure what I am and am not allowed to do during my recovery. I kinda missed an appointment, which I really need to remake so I can consult with my doctor. I would really like to get into some heavy exercsie, I'm getting kinda ancy about it.
Work -- Work sucks balls. Mostly it is just boring. I've been doing so little actual work it is kinda crazy. The mall really needs to pick up soon, cause if it stays this slow the store is going to close again. I frankly do not want to start looking for a job again. Though I think I would have better luck this time around. They cut some hours at work and being the highest paid, they cut some of mine to save cash. I'm not really that concerned cause it wasn't like they cut me a whole day or anything.
GAMING:
Amber: Diceless Roleplaying Game -- interesting game, I'm going to keep trying for now. I think it is something I can get into. I like the flavor of the world and how ... alien it all feels.
Magic: The Gathering -- Vampire Deck, it works. People have started playing again, so...
WoW -- I was playing actively for awhile there but I tappered off recently.
MIND:
I had put everything ever on hold. It felt really strange to take my life and feel like I put it into suspended animation. So much was so... sterile and wrapped up so neatly. It really makes me wonder. I mean, I just don't know what to do with it all. I have all these aspects and I'm staring at them outside of context.
HEART:
Dee was my lifeline when I tumbled off the deep end and it was really good she was there for me through the break up and into the spiral. Though if she is the lifeline, Jen has really been the shore. I've felt so disconnected from people and life that I really don't know what to do with myself most of the time. We've allowed for a very interesting dynamic to be formed between us. We have a strictly platonic relationship, where we mutually support each other. I've really managed to get a lot of my strength and confidence back through her. She tells me how much I help her and how thankful she is that I showed up in her life. Though, I don't think she gives enough credit to how mutual the feeling is.
and like she says, I might not be 'getting over it' but at least I'm starting to be 'ok'
On an unrelated note, ever hurt someone unintentionally, but unavoidably? I don't think I've ever felt so simply 'bad' about something. I would never want to cause hurt to anyone I care about, must less do emotional damage. Maybe things worked out for the best. I don't know. I just hope there is enough forgiveness and happiness out there for everyone. |
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| Happy Birthday Gary |
[Oct. 16th, 2009|04:02 pm] |
AFI - Okay, I feel better now
There is nothing to me.
There is nothing though
there was a time I had felt elation
before all sensation died.
I cannot breathe.
I can't deny that I've been feigning,
for you, every vital sign defied.
This means nothing to me.
This means nothing so spare me the lies.
I deny you sympathy just as I have been denied.
I cannot breath.
I can't deny that I've been faking,
for you, every sign of life
I died for the last lie,
and the heartbreak for the first time,
I could not take til I made you cry.
This is what you taught me.
This is what you taught - and I learned well -
to recognize that feeling easily can be dispelled.
I died for the last lie,
and the heartbreak for the first time,
I could not take til I made you cry.
Show your wounds I'm bored with mine.
Nothing is new.
Don't despair I rarely cry.
Oh, my dear please dry your eyes.
Who could harm you?
To hurt you is to be despised, as I'd love to
I died for the last lie,
and the heartbreak for the first time,
I could not take til I made you cry. |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Oct. 14th, 2009|04:17 pm] |
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"Why do people Fuck with my wings?!" Nicole |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2009|03:26 pm] |
it's the reason for my pain
in a season to celebrate
i don't wanna be full of hate
for anybody, but it's too late
everyone has been in my face
telling me that i'm a disgrace
showing me things that i must face
telling me that they need their space
i cant' love you anymore
i'm scared of the sound of it
it's the reason why i'm down
i'm beaten been pushed around
hit the ceiling without a sound
everone i know considers me a clown
i can't love you anymore
i'm scared of the sound of it
i can't love you anymore
woman, i just wanted more
i can't love you anymore
scared of the sound of it
and woman, i just wanted more
it's the reason why i'm here |
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| I didn't know. Not really. |
[Oct. 5th, 2009|08:31 pm] |
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So I got this in a message today. I'm still processing it. I keep reading it and thinking; over thinking. I shouldn't make this so complicated. Though it's complicated even if ... ugh.
Oh well, maybe its for the best.
Escape the Fate - "Let it go"
I'm on the verge of a break down
I'm on the brink of an epic meltdown
I'm on my way to a flat-line
No, I don’t really want to leave you behind
But apparently you can’t stay all mine
So I'll try to let you go
You’re not mine to own
If I let it go
If I let this go
If I let you go
Would the scars
Continue to show
I'm on the verge of a crackdown
I'm freakin’ out, got a bottle of Jack down
I'm on my way to a blackout
No, I don’t really want to leave you behind
But apparently you can’t stay all mine
So I'll try to let you go
You’re not mine to own
If I let it go
If I let this go
If I let you go
Would the scars continue to show |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|08:20 pm] |
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"don't howl unless you mean it." Melissa Jackson |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
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I is at witches woods. |
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| I've been beat down before. |
[Oct. 4th, 2009|01:25 am] |
So I started this entry by listing everything that has gone wrong for me lately. I got to 14 and depressed myself so I deleted it. I've decided that I don't care.
Fuck it. |
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| Posted using TxtLJ |
[Sep. 29th, 2009|06:07 pm] |
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I used to be love drunk but now i'm hung over. |
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thewalkinglost's journal